Annals of the red neck tool box, fully loaded

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BUBBA DUCT-TAPED MY MAN TO THE PICKUP – Marlin – A 20-year-old man named Jamarcus Suiters rode to jail bound in duct tape when he wouldn’t stop operating the power windows and door locks of a Constable’s cowboy Cadillac following his arrest for probation violation. When Jonathan Shoemaker, Precinct 1 Constable, spotted him walking to a filling station on Highway 6, he knew there was a warrant for his arrest. His fully loaded pickup truck has no rear seat cage or means to keep a suspect from exiting the car. Suiters was so dexterous as to repeatedly operate the automatic windows and locks, even though his hands were cuffed behind his back. He managed to retrieve his cell phone and called relatives, then put the phone in the “groin region” of his trousers. Constable Shoemaker moved him to the front seat and resorted to securing his fingers and binding his body “to the seat” with duct tape “after a brief struggle,” when Monsieur Suiters advised him to turn on the child locks in the rear seating area.

Our apologies to the Whiskey-Tango News, but the High Sheriff has said we must get all our crime information out of the newspaper…

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